December 2025

It has been a long time since I've journaled here. Life has been rough. I feel some light at end of tunnel now. Background- In 12015 My husband of 40 yr was diagnois with Colo-rectal cancer. Our family was in shock. He under went chemo to shrink tumor so he could have surgery,. He had surgeries, radiation, more surgery, liver cancer,radiation pellets to get rid the liver cancer in midst of covid. I was not able to be with him during surgery because of it. Many times was on auto pilot because of all the stress. In 2021 it became clear that treatments were only putting out small fires, they weren't bringing any victory over the cancer- the treatments were so painful Gary made the decision to go on Hospiuce. It was a hard decision It really wasn't until he was 6mos. down the road it hit me that he termenal was . People at our church were fantastic at this time. they would call. Several times they guys would come over and gather around Gary's bed- talking and praying with him. With had another couple from upper room that would come over and visit and pray. It strengthened us. The nurses that visited our home were so gracious. The Chaplain was wonderful. God gave us a special Grace during this time. It was a peace and calm underneath the storm. I cannot adequetly describe this. You don't have it till you need it. It is different for each one of us when we receive this Grace. It is an extra strength that gets you through tough times. I felt it during the death of my infant daughters but it was different- it is just especially what you need for that time. Different when you lose a sibling or a parent. In November of 2021 our youngest son Nathan came and spent time with us. It was a wonderful time. We had many wonderful conversations, tears and hugs. We knew this would be our last Thanksgiving. Sarah and Mike spent some wonderful times with us too. It was hard to see Nathan go home within a couple of weeks Gary worsed. Hospece was coming several times dur4ing the week - an aid was coming to help me care for him, he was on more pain meds. 2022 came people of the church were really there for me Jan. 11th in Evening I called my daugheterr Sarah and told her tonight we would be saying Goodbye. Soon I called her backj as it was becoming clear she would have to say goodbye by phone. She talked to him, me holding the phone up to his ear. The nurse had come to be with me I held on to him, he took his last breath. My daughter came, she called the socialworker to come be with me when they prepared him to leave. I came in and held his hand kissed annd said goodbye. I went out and stood on porch, thankjed the nurse and aid for being with me. Hospice is not a job I could do. God Grace is sufficent.48 yrs minus 2 mos. ends our chapter together. My family was wonderful during this time. My daughter Sarah was a pillar of strength for me and my son in law Mike was a steady help and support. My son Nathan prayed for us during this time and our son Jason and wife in South Korea. Only pieces of my journey- hardest yet. Soon it will be 3 yrs, I've gone through times it didn't seem real, fiurst yr was a feog. Crying every day- there was the grief that our lives together was coming to a close. Then the endThen 3 yrs of ups and downs. Yet a different kind of Grace has come.

Thankfulness: Beauty of Creation-

The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.” Psalm 19:1 I've often looked at Sunsets, Farm Country, garden in harvest time, and colorful leaves in the Fall - thought God is a wonderful artist- best of all.

Word for 2022: THANKFULNESS - 1 Thessalonians 5:18

I am making goals this year but only one resolution and that is to be thankful. Paul had much to say on Thankfulness. The one I haven't mastered yet is to be thankful in all things. How can we be thankful for the bad that happens to us? I am not sure I even have an answer for that one. We had Covid at the end of 2020 - I am glad we had good doctors and medicine. People that prayed for us. Prehaps we can claim it as a Rom 8: 28 event- things did work out, we were able to tell us our experience. I lost couple friends from cancer and a sister in law from Covid related issues. The Romans 8 :28 in loss of friends and family member is our Hope of Heaven. Heaven is real and we will see them again. Thankfulness keeps our attitudes right.

Loss

It has taken a bit to get back to journaling. On Aug. 25, 2020, in addition to it just being a hard year because of Covid, surgery for dh, we lost my 2nd oldest brother Samuel Rodger Ebel - to lung cancer. He and I had become close in past few yrs, he called often, we had long talks. I had made trips back to Colo. when our sister was dying, once we went to her house and the next time hospital in Casper, Wyoming. We had good times. I talk to him the months he was dying but he'd developed dementia, I am not sure he understood all I was saying. Samuel Rodger Ebel born May 1, 1948- Bayard, NE- Parents Jacob Edward Ebel and Dorthy Louella Roebuck Ebel. 2nd Child of Seven. Navy Veteran. Brothers Terry Lee Ebel and Richard Allen Ebel preceeded him in death also, sisters Jaunita Jayne Ebel Newman and Joyce Marie Ebel Loader. He has two living Children- Frostina Ebel Zudrow and Jacob Ebel both of Washington. 3 grandchildren, 1 great-grandchild. Living Sibling Jack John Ebel of Nevada and Linda Lou Ebel Head of Indiana. You Never get used to losing family and friends. Sad part is as far as I know Sam was never saved. I talked to him many times about the Lord. With great anger said he didn't believe in God. I think because of my father dying when he was 11- I was 3yrs old. I believe our life would have been different had our father lived. Our mom dying when he was 21.

I wish

I wish we were little girls again.

Playing with our dolls.

Making mud pie lunches.

Holding hands-

wading in mud puddles.

Our mother washing our hair.

Snuggling in sheets fresh from the line.

Listening to crickets as we drift off to sleep.

I wish we were little girls again, you and I.

We've grown, raised our children-

watched the smiles on their angel faces.

Watched them grow before our very eyes.

They moved on our mother hearts cried.

We knew it was to be- we gave them wings.

Now years have passed.

You are ill, suffering every day.

My heart cries for you.

It cries for the day when we were little girls.

Running with our barefeet through the grass.

My sister I love you so.

I pray for your comfort through all the pain.

I see your face changed from all the pain.

The voice is still that of my sister.

Never dreamed the years would bring such pain.

We're suppose to grow old together.

Three sisters sitting watching the flowers grow.

Reminiscing about our childhood, our children.

My sister I love you, know this as you go.

Journaling-

Most of my journalling is in books, sometimes here. One ask question how has your journalling carried you through different times in your life. My journalling here as you can see is kind of random but it represents some things I've gone through down through the yrs. Other things I've not written here, kind of sensitive topics not for general reading. Sometimes these have been my prayers to the Lord- helped me to put it down on paper. Sometimes you are just at a loss. Romans 8:26-27 26 Likewise the Spirit also helps our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 And he that searches the hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because he makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

Closures

7 months have gone by- not so quickly. My son is back from Afghanistan 2 wks ago. What a relief. We haven't seen him yet, we will be traveling to NC in 2 wks to see him, also, my mil and sil. I am glad that chapter is closed. * Later note- looked at few of son's pictures. Realize later - they sent bomb dog out- he came back- they went forward and ran over a devise- stupid dog- I guess he was tired of his job. Son had this happen few occasions- one when he was gunner. We don't always realize these make it back by skin of their teeth.

happy note!

On my husband's birthday we received a letter from our son in the sandbox. He is doing very well. He stays really busy. I think he is learning to appreciate the small things in life - clean in door bathrooms, showers, and home cooked meals. Of course clean clothes. It is pretty barren over there.

rough roads

My older sister Joyce died last month suddenly, she was in hospital and I thought she'd be home soon. Had lung infection from breathing dust cleaning her furnace. Had chest pains and died during heart catherization. She leaves behind 8 living children, 4 sons and 4 daughters. One son died several years ago.

One month

My youngest son has been in Afghanistan one month now. Prayer is getting me through and relying on the promises. I especially like the one from John I think it is- that takes about us being in his hand. Last sun. we talked 2 min on skype and it cut us off. I got to see him (video cam) he looks well. He is a believer, has had good witness with his fellow Marines. I pray for them all every day every time I think about it.

In addition through this My oldest brother has 4 brain surgeries this month. Now he had fungus growing in and out side of his brain and is having hallucination. A month before that is was a heart attack- they put him on plavicks and asprin a day. Messed up his blood and then he had a brain bleed. I am not sure my brother is a believer.
All this really underlines prayer importance in my life.

A New Journey

Two weeks ago, I started a new journey- Mom of a deployed soldier. I've shed a lot of tears. You never want your son to go. It's a tug of war - you are proud of him for wanting to serve but also want them to come home and end the war. It would be easier for you to go serve than to let your children go. There is anger when it seems those powers that be see them as expendable. They are husband, fathers, sons, daughters, mothers, sisters. You think of the hours you've invested in each of your children- you want them to do something for others but not go to war. I still believe in freedom, but some will never want freedom like we have and are quickly losing. They are happy with their bondage and don't see it as such. I got my first letter today- they are going out- it's going to be hard. I confess I really can't listen to the news any more. I can't watch movies about fallen soldiers. Too much of a reminder what I maybe called upon- I pray not. I am sad for those who've lost children but now I am on the roller coaster- My heart sinks when I read of them losing their lives. Someones son/daughter, someones brother, husband, friend. How do they survive this. I know the Lord has him in his hands Ps 139:10 but it rains on the just and unjust a like. The journey will last 8 mos. a lot of prayers needed.

good reports

I am thankful my friend Karen received a good report end of her cancer treatment. It's been hard to know what to say, how to encourage, I am not so good at it. This last 2 yrs has been hard. Nita finding out she had cancer, the treatments. Losing our 4 Ebel cousins, I just can't imagine losing 4 of your siblings in such a short time.

I wonder ...............

Are you watching from Heaven. Sis-Joyce and I talked today, how we miss long phone calls from you. Your being gone has brought us closer. Our hearts all ache for you. Rock my babies will you, hug them for me, tell them I look forward to the day when Jesus comes and I can see them for myself. I hope you are walking hand in hand with mama, dad, and the aunts. Margaret, John, Ester who you didn't know you'd be seeing in heaven so soon. Save a place for Joyce and me. We pray one for Sam, John too -

You'd be proud of your nephew- he looked so handsome in his Marine Uniform. (I talked him into wearing it to church. Brings tears to my eyes when people thank him for his service. Another mom who had a marine, came and hugged me. We teared up talking about deploy. My heart cries for moms who've lost their boys, I pray Lord please don't require that of me.

Think of your sweet Niki, who loving had Mark come live with them. This wkend has to go through your things you've left behind. So hard for her. She took your angel doll home I gave you. I like to think of it as a bond we have with each other.

We love you and sis we really miss you so.

I wonder ...............

Recently, our family- mom's side lost an aunt- 82 yrs young- Sade Mae Roebuck Lemkiehr not the right spelling. A friend lost a nephew, on her blog she posted:

What kind of life leaves nothing for the obituary? As it is, our entire life is condensed to just a few paragraphs of black and white letters...

(Me) our yrs are reduced to dates and dash in the middle that represents our lives. Would we live life more carefully if we knew that it would represent us. Some what to be remembered for their wealth and the money that they contributed in life. While what we do with it shows our life's priorities, it is not something I want to be remembered for. Some want to be remembered for the grand houses. A house is only a home when there is a family and love there, hospitality and warmth. While that is part of great memories, it is not the total picture. How do we live our lives, who do we live it for.
Sadly, I have a relative that wrote our home town paper and asked if he want them to write that he went to hell would they do it. They wrote back and said they would.

I want my dash to represent my 5 children - Rachel and Rebbecca who went to heaven before me. My others, Jason my soft heart phylospher, my daughter soft place in her heart for helping others, my 3rd child- sacrificing for his country- red, white, and blue runs through his veins. All have a love for our savior. My husband who was steady, faithful, and hard working- together we worked hard to bring these children to Him, to be giving, hard work citzen in life. No I never contributed to science, to music, to medicine directly. But my life's work is my children. Loving and giving to others. My life richeswere friends and family.

Missing You

It's been almost 6 mos. since my sister passed away. I miss her almost daily phone calls. It is still hard to believe that she is gone. Of course, I am glad she is no longer suffering. I think of her often and see things that she would like.

Until Then

My heart can sing when I pause to remember
A heartache here is but a stepping stone
Along a path that's winding always upward
This troubled world is not my final home.

But until then my heart will go on singing
Until then with joy I'll carry on
Until the day my eyes behold my Saviour
Until the day God calls me home.


The things of earth will dim and lose their value
If we recall they're borrowed for a while
And things of earth that cause this heart to tremble
Remember there will only bring a smile.

But until then my heart will go on singing
Until then with joy I'll carry on
Until the day my eyes behold my Saviour
Until the day God calls me home...

May the Lord grant you His peace and bring comfort to your families as you walk through the grieving process at your sister’s passing. What a blessing to have enter eternity while hearing the Word of God.



Father, would You be all the Ebel & Newman families need in this time and bring glory to Your name in the process, Amen. Alan Starr- Wycliffe Recruitment Ministries, Lafayette, IN

Goodbye for Now Nita

Nita went to heaven at 10am. 16th of Nov. with her husband Mark at her bedside reading the Bible to her. Goodbye for a little while.

John 14:2
In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

from face book- wishes

Linda L Head Prayers needed for my sister- Her journey with cancer is rough. I love her dearly and it's been hard for the whole family.
Yesterday at 10:04am · Comment · Like / Unlike
Jamie Beeler

Aw, Linda . . . Very sorry to hear that. What is her name?
Yesterday at 10:10am · Delete
Wanda Argersinger
You both will be in my prayers. Bless you both
Yesterday at 10:18am · Delete
Stella Peterson

I very sorry, I will pray for you and your family.
Yesterday at 10:26am · Delete

Bernadette Head
PRAYERS WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
Yesterday at 10:32am · Delete
Karen Lopez Grant

So sorry Linda. I've been there. Prayers are with you.
Yesterday at 10:38am ·
Gail Marie Hatke Huff

Hugs and prayers.
Yesterday at 10:39am ·
Debbie Woodard Doucet

Have been keeping you in my prayers.
Yesterday at 11:01am ·
Nina Winslow


Sorry..prayers for you all
Yesterday at 11:05am ·
Sandra Shock
Linda, so sorry to hear. My prayers are with you all.
Yesterday at 11:38am ·
Connie Bruhn


Roxanne Readman
awwww Im sorry to hear that you are going though this, its so hard but know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and if you ever need to talk feel free to contact me
Yesterday at 12:26pm · Delete

Nickie Hill

Thank you all for your love and support for our family and my mom!!! Love you linda!!!
Yesterday at 1:26pm ·

Teresa Harmon Evans
Praying for her and you.
Yesterday at 2:09pm ·
Marcia Simko Greene
Marcia Simko Greene
I am so sorry, Linda.
Have you heard tht Cheri Livengood was promoted to glory?
Yesterday at 3:01pm ·
Linda Head-from England

Thinking of you all. Take care.
Yesterday at 3:02pm
Connie Hixon Davis

Linda, prayers and hugs my dear friend!
Yesterday at 7:39pm ·
Kira Funkhouser-Sleek

May the Lord give you all grace and peace. I'll be praying for you all.
Yesterday at 9:21pm ·
Rayeann Mcdowell

Linda so sorry to about your sister. My prayers with you and her.
Yesterday at 9:26pm ·
Tamie Roebuck Adler

My prayers are with you all especially Nita!!!!!!!! May god be with her through this rough time and give her the strength to fight it.
7 hours ago ·
Linda L Head

I thankful for all of you and your prayers- friendship, it means a lot to me.
about an hour ago ·

This I wish

I wish we were little girls again.

Playing with our dolls.

Making mud pie lunches.

Holding hands-

wading in mud puddles.

Our mother washing our hair.

Snuggling in sheets fresh from the line.

Listening to crickets as we drift off to sleep.

I wish we were little girls again, you and I.

We've grown, raised our children-

watched the smiles on their angel faces.

Watched them grow before our very eyes.

They moved on our mother hearts cried.

We knew it was to be- we gave them wings.

Now years have passed.

You are ill, suffering every day.

My heart cries for you.

It cries for the day when we were little girls.

Running with our barefeet through the grass.

My sister I love you so.

I pray for your comfort through all the pain.

I see your face changed from all the pain.

The voice is still that of my sister.

Never dreamed the years would bring such pain.

We're suppose to grow old together.

Three sisters sitting watching the flowers grow.

Reminiscing about our childhood, our children.

My sister I love you, know this as you go.